“Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest people in the world—I’m here to talk about something nobody’s ever thought of before, something so incredible, so amazing, only a true patriot could make it happen. I’m talking about something that will change the course of history, something that will make America prouder, stronger, and—dare I say—fluffier than ever before!
Now, listen up. I love dogs. Everybody loves dogs! They’re loyal, they’re brave, they’re always there for us, and, folks, let’s be real—they’re probably better judges of character than some people out there, if you know what I mean. The loyalty of a dog, folks, unmatched. And believe me, a lot of people have told me, ‘Sir, dogs are just fantastic Americans.’ And I said, ‘Well, why aren’t we treating them like it?’
So here’s what I’m pledging today: When I am re-elected, every dog in this great nation—yes, every good boy and girl—will become a full citizen of the United States of America! That’s right, they’re gonna have rights! They’re gonna have privileges! And get ready for this, folks, because you’ve never heard this before—they are going to have the right to vote!
I know, I know—some people will say it’s wild, that it’s crazy, that it’s too ambitious. But who would’ve thought a guy like me could become president in the first place? If we can make America great again, we can certainly give our canine friends a say in the future of our great country.
Think of the possibilities: dogs voting on laws that matter to them—on better parks, on more treats, on protection of their freedoms. It’s time we take care of the dogs that have taken care of us. And you can trust they’ll be voting for the right side of history. They won’t be swayed by fake news, folks. They see right through it! The dogs are sharp—they know who’s got their best interests at heart.
So let’s make this happen. Let’s make every dog an American, let’s get them to the polls, and let’s show the world that in America, loyalty is rewarded, citizenship is honored, and everyone—even our four-legged friends—has a voice! Thank you, God bless you, and God bless our American dogs!”
