35 Rules for Good Writers

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually)
unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used unless you don't want to seem too formal.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.
13. Do not use more words, phrases, sentences, or other linguistic elements than you, yourself, actually really and definitely need to use or employ when expressing yourself or otherwise giving voice to what you may or may not be thinking when you are trying to say how many words you should use or not use when using words.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, i.e. etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill excessive exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others elude to them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate distracting quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson is said to have once remarked, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And finally...
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Teen Sells 17328 Boxes of Girl Scout Cookies

This item was stuck in between the OMG and WTF files:

Thin Mints, Samoas and Do-Si-Dos have helped a 15-year-old Girl Scout not only satisfy thousands of hungry tummies desiring the perfect sweet treat, but has also helped fund Jennifer Sharpe’s trip to Europe. The Michigan teen sold an amazing 17.328 boxes of Girl Scout cookies, a number that likely set a national record. Sharpe peddled her irresistible cookie collection on street corners and raised about $21,000, enough cookie dough (hee hee) to fund Troop 813’s 10-day trip to Europe.

Who needs a cat tree?

 
Cats never cease to amaze me. I have no idea how Lizbeth can get onto the second shelf above the toilet without causing anything on the rack above her to fall over. I envy her grace.

On the downside, I'm going to have to launder those towels again.

In the dark

A slice of (real) life

Question of the day

The compliment of suburban is urban.

Why isn't the compliment of a suburb an urb?

Code Monkey Dance

I ran across this video on The Uncredible Hallq's blog and enjoyed it so much I had to share. I cannot fathom why I like it, I just do. I think I'll do the Code Monkey dance at random moments at work tomorrow.

First impressions

Poking a little fun at some of my favorite tech bloggers. Click on the image to view.

S'truth

Trying too hard

Every President's Day local companies produce ads to entice buyers to purchase their products. Nothing unusual about that. What amazes me is the length some stores will go to in order to relate their product to the presidents. How do you sell furniture in relation to a federal holiday celebrating two U.S. presidents? You offer "presidential-sized savings". Are those Taft sized savings (he was so fat, weighing 330 pounds, that he got stuck in the White House bathtub) or are they only James Madison sized (5 feet 4 inches tall and weighed under 100 pounds)?

What the hell, presidential-sized saving? And we wonder at the illiteracy rates among our children.

Four faces of Samuel Barber

One of my favorite classical pieces is Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings. It is in turn melancholic, inspirational, profound and restful. I've put together four videos featuring different musician's interpretation of this beautiful melody.


I can't honestly say I prefer one to the other. In their own way each version illustrates another facet of the work.


The first is the traditional, classical version. Second, a vocal version performed by The Choir of Trinity College,Cambridge,UK.Directed by Richard Marlow. Third, an electronic interpretation by William Orbit and finally, Dj Tiesto presents the Adagio in a techno style.


I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Jeber loves LOLcatz

You can now order a book of the original LOLcat cartoons from the original artist.

Limited edition signed drawing copy of Meet the Laugh-Out-Loud Cats, available from Hobotopia.

Kubuntu on an HP dv2000

I recently got an HP dv2410us and finally got tired of Vista, so I wiped the drive and installed Kubuntu 7.10. I was jazzed, all the major components worked immediately.

The only hardware that didn't work was the built-in webcam (no great loss), my bluetooth mouse (OK, I have a USB one as well) and the wireless (uh-oh).

It just so happened I was on my way to the KDE 4.0 release event at Google the next weekend, so I left it alone and waited to see if one of the great minds there could offer a suggestion.

To my surprise and pleasure, I had two great minds take a look at it. Jonathan Riddell (Jonathan is the only Canonical employee who works full-time with the Kubuntu project and is the lead maintainer and KDE developer) and a VP from AMD both examined my laptop and reached the disappointing conclusion that the Broadcom chipset in it is too new for Linux to have developed drivers for it.

So now I'm dual-booting Kubuntu with Vista and have the best of both worlds (well, on the Windows side that's open for debate).

My visit to Nirvana

 
I just got back from three days at the Google campus attending the release event for the Linux KDE version 4.0 desktop. The event itself was great. I got to meet quite a few very smart people from all over the world, united by our interest in Linux and the KDE desktop manager. But I don't think any of us could get over the fact that we were at Google, geek heaven, the holy of holies for the internet crowd.

We were "asked" not to say much about the Google campus, so I'm afraid I can't go into much detail about the place. We were not allowed to take pictures inside, only outside and only when accompanied by Google security or staff. Let's just say that having spent a few years working at the NSA I didn't feel that out-of-place at the Googlplex.

Vote for Stephen

Marimo-All About a Dog

For anyone who has ever lived with, and loved, a dog.

BBC NEWS | Obituary: Oscar Peterson

One of the jazz world’s greats has died. Oscar Peterson was a truly gifted pianist. He’ll be missed by all of us who love jazz.
BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Obituary: Oscar Peterson

Lessons learned...the hard way

1) Do not under any circumstances microwave a full cup of coffee with sugar already added.

2) Keep a roll of paper towels handy near the microwave.

3) Do not attempt to drink the coffee you made in the process of learning rule #1.

Do not push the Red Button

Put The Big Red Button on your site

Polish off your week

...with this music video. Everybody, on put your shoes for dancing into disco.



Don't blame me if this gets stuck in your head all weekend.